I always wanted a man to look me in the eyes and tell me he saw the universe — written Oct. 2015

I always wanted a man to look me in the eyes and tell me he saw the universe

a galaxy bursting with laughter and light 

with kisses that struck him into the space between seconds

 

I wanted him to whisper to my scars, sweat, and frizzy hair that I embodied the Forever

 

I always wanted a man to look me in the eyes and say he saw a supernova.

so electric that his veins jolted into light years and his heart would forget how to breathe

we’d soar into the endless vacuum of each other’s arms, falling into both nowhere

and everywhere

at once.

 

instead I got a winky face on my phone screen

a drunken hand on my hips

eyes that poured over me with flashes of porn

I was no galaxy.

 

I saw a girl staring at me in the mirror with fear decorating her eyes in black paint

her flaws screamed like sharpie stains. permanent and loud

her body was an ugly clay

something to pick apart, mold, and give away

she waited for someone to shape her worth into words

 

maybe if she wasn’t waiting for someone to tell her she was the world

she would have loved her own colors, laughter, and light

and swam in the vacuum of her endless eyes

she would have seen through the scars, sweat, and friz that she embodied the Forever

 

and only once she could look into her own eyes and see the universe

then,

and only then,

would she invite him to see it too.

 

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